KevieBear's Journey To The Moon
by KevieBearApril 1, 2007 -
Great news! I have a new assignment! My editor says I’m going on a journey to the moon! She’s going to email all of the pertinent information. Or the "info" as all of us in the news biz call it. I forgot to ask her who my contact at NASA will be. How much training will I have to undergo? I wonder if I still have the motion sickness pills my brother what’s-his-name gave me a few years ago?
I’m so excited! I wonder how I was chosen? This is my first assignment since that unfortunate incident several years ago when I was still working part-time as an actor and filmed that jungle movie. Someone should have told me I was going to be a dragon instead of the action hero. How humiliating that was.
April 10, 2007 –
Still waiting to hear from my editor. I guess it takes a long time to set up astronaut training. Plus, I’ll need security clearance and will probably have to pass some kind of psych test. NASA doesn’t take just any koo... so anyway, I’ll still have to have a space suit fitting and have my official picture taken.
April 15, 2007 -
I don’t understand this email. What does she mean by April Fool? It’s not April 1st, it’s April 15th.
April 17, 2007 –
I called my editor to find out why I haven’t received any more info on the astronaut training I’m scheduled for and she sounded like she was choking but it turns out she was laughing. I think my editor drinks on the job. No time to worry about that though. I have to find my luggage. I wonder how many sweaters they let you take on the space shuttle? I’m going to have my own space suit made if they don’t get the lead out!
April 18, 2007 –
Wow! I look even better than I had originally thought I would in this suit. Babes love a bear in silver lamé. I know! I’ll have my picture taken in front of this Superman collage. Put ‘em up! Take that, Superman! And that, Lex Luthor! Ha ha ha. I always make myself laugh. Guess I’d better start packing.
April 20, 2007 –
I had more stuff than I thought. Sweaters, check. Shoes, check. Extra hats, check. Socks, check. Underwear, check. What am I forgetting?
~
April 22, 2007 –
It’s time for good-byes. Good-bye Mr. Driving Mr. Spacey bear. Good-bye Mr. L hearts KevieBear bear. Good-bye Lex Luthor Slurpee cup.
(sniff sniff)
I’ll miss you guys! I’ve heard they let astronauts send emails from space now. I’ll be sure to write. My editor is supposed to call tonight with my travel instructions. It’s probably off to some super-secret place to train and then it’s on to space and the moon!
Oh! There’s the phone! Hello? Hello? I can’t talk now, I’m on my way to the… what’s so funny? What was a joke? What are you talking about? You said you were sending me into space to go to the moon. Have the plans changed?
(There is an ominous silence on the other end of the line.)
What do you mean the joke’s on me?
~
April 24, 2007 -
KevieBear had been excitedly making plans for his trip into space to go to the moon, only to be crushed when his editor told him he was actually going to be going to New York to work undercover on a story about a dangerous and very secret gang. He didn’t quite understand all the details. Something about being mooned on Broadway. Now that his plans have changed, he’s re-packed his trunk and changed his clothes and is waiting on the doorstep for his ride to pick him up.
As he often does, he talks to himself.
Why do these things happen to me? I was so excited to be going to the moon. And now look at me. Perturbed in purple, my signature color that enhances my fur. At least I look good in my bitter disappointment. I could have been on a space shuttle to the moon right now but instead I’m standing on the doorstep waiting for my ride to take me to the airport so I can catch the shuttle to New York City. What is there to do in New York anyway?
Here’s my ride. No, wait, that’s just the mailman. Hello, got something for me today? Hey! Put me down! What are you doing? Ack!
Driving Mr. Spacey!: The positively untrue life and times of Kevin Spacey,
with a few real facts thrown in for fun.
